Is this just you and friends messing around and sparring or is this while receiving formal training and sparring under the watchful eyes of a coach or instructor? If its the second and not the first then your coach or instructor should be talking to you about this and have you asked them yet? If on the other hand this is just some back yard, impromptu sparring and none of you are using the proper equipment then its probably a good thing that you are not following through with your punches.
I can tell you what I say and do when a person presents me with this problem who is training and want's to learn martial arts and how to fight. I have them give themselves a good sharp slap before they step out there to spar or I will do that for them. That tends to get or put them in a more serious frame of mind and I also have them spar with a larger framed, more experienced student or fighter who is durable enough to take pretty much most of what they are capable of giving. That way they can let themselves go to a certain extent more easily and also without the fear and anxiety of hurting someone else like what you describe.
The other thing I do is especially when they are working the heavy bag I have them play with the power and impact of their shots so that they better understand and get a feel for all that and better controlling that as well. That way then when they are sparring with others who might be lighter, smaller in frame and less durable they can better control their power and the impact with which they land shots and combinations better. This also helps keep the injuries down as well when they are sparring someone of less ability and who is lighter framed and lighter weight once they get a feel for this and learn how to take power off of their shots and combinations.
The other thing I will also sometimes do is to have them view their sparring partner as someone who just slapped their younger brother or sister or abused the family pet. Thinking in terms like that usually puts them in a frame of mind where they get emotionally charged more and wanting to follow through with their shots. I have seen some though that are just too nice and don't have or can't turn on that "killer instinct" enough to be aggressive like they should be at inflicting damage and hurting their opponent. People that are like that have no business getting into the ring or cage where they are actually fighting.
Your friends shouldnt be scared to spar with you. Sparring is not about beating the other guy up or seeing how hard you can hit him it's about perfecting technique and being able to flow
Tomodachi stole the words right off my keyboard.
Perhaps the question should be, "Why are you getting into so many fights?".....
my friends tell me everyday how hard i hit and how scared they are when we spar but when im in a actual fight i stiffen up and can't go through with a punch how do i solve this?
