One of the things that worked with him was to put myself under the technique I was teaching him. For instance - I would tell him what his hand was going to do, and I would guide him into using the technique on me. I don't know if you understand what I'm saying, but It gave him a sense of empowerment.
I would ask him to give me his hand. Slowly, I would guide it through the motions of a headlock(just as an example) slowly wrapping his arm around my neck. The whole time asking him if he's okay with me doing it. Letting him know how he'll be able to apply this, and letting him feel the effect it has on me.
It only took a few times for him to warm up to it. After a while, he was participating with others.
One of the most important things I do is, before anything, I let the student know that once we become united within my school, on my floor, we are brothers and sisters, and anyone who intends on harming him or her, has to pass through me.
After a while, I would be in front of class going through basics, standing in front of him, making him keep eye contact. Very difficult because autistic children will not look into your eyes. His ability to maintain contact started to progress... I would have the kids do a group hug. His mother was very happy, but the program was dwindling. The center did not want to spend any money on it.
The techniques on the ground can be done standing upright. You may have to adjust them, but they apply in both situations. For instance - the "guard" is done on your back. But if you were standing, holding that same posture, you would be in a Shiko Dachi or Straddle Stance. Some refer to it as Sumo Stance. The difference is more control and mobility - more options. You can still do the leg and foot traps while standing. Adapt it to standing.
After a while, she'll see you as what you are.
My experiences may or may not work for your situation, but be creative and support, support, support.
Great question. Good luck.
The sad truth is there are some people that for whatever reason will never get over being that timid. You may be able in time to help her. But you also need to be prepared for the possibility that you just can't reach her on the level you wish to. Another thing relates to how long ago she was a victim of the crime. If she is not ready you need to be careful that you don;t let your desire to help overcome what the situation actually needs at this point.
Now, I have not taught any womens self defense classes in years. The statistics I read some years ago I found to be very true. That is to say most of the women that take a womens self defense class have already been attacked in the past. That is sad to hear but seems to be true, at least in my survey of those that attended my classes. Lets face it a womens self defense class is about serious and brutal attacks. In other words the women is facing possible rape and / or a life threatening situation. The only way to fight in these cases involves the women being both able and willing to do something gruesome or lethal in order to save themselves. Bottom line here is no matter how well trained a person is it is of no use if they hesitate or are not willing to do anything to survive. The last few self defense classes for women that I offered started off on a negative note.... This is because I asked all there if they would be willing to bit an attackers lip off, poke their eye out, .... , or kill them.... Most said that they could not do that to someone. so anyone that is knowledgeable knows that you must be willing and able to do what ever is necessary to survive. If not then nothing anyone can teach you will help you.
Best of luck dealing with your student.
Edit: after reading several of the answers here, I must stress that what is taught needs to be second to the knowing that the student can and will learn. In other words, teaching anything to someone that is just not going to use it if need be is only going to give them a false sense of confidence.
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Have you dealt with young people who have been through what she has it can be quite demanding but in a rewarding way, basic principles of make sure you are under supervision when teaching her, Be comfortable around them but never comfort her with a hug or pat because it could form an unhealthy bond and dependency to you, the key is to build confidence in herself first bud but it might be more physiological than just giving her self defense, ive dealt with youth offenders not so much the victims although the offenders most of the time were victims at some stage. I never taught them martial arts, but worked in a youth facility a while ago.
Edit: Than hug comment was from a male point of view, be careful but ask first if it's ok to give her a hug, female to female contact is a bit different.
Is all about giving them confidence. All words and actions that lead to that will help. Everything that is to be learned, is better to add to that.
The most practical and efficient way to teach effectively anything, pass trough spirit and confidence.
The easiest way to judge a school is to get in and see how the students are.Cool and confident is what you want to see with the ability to find practical solutions to all situations. This way character will be build and when they respect themselves, they will also respect others.
Many are trying the opposite, scaring off, and call it humbleness, learning and avoiding trouble.
I advice the first way.:) The difficult ones are just a bit more challenging.
Good question.
You might want to see if you can get written permission from her parent to write to her therapist, which she should have. Start by avoiding anything that could be similar to her past attack and work slowly to add it. Reassure her that she is not abnormal but it was the situation that occurred and that she did not do anything wrong. The most important thing is to show her that she is safe. I would recommend you read two books to help her; "Facing Violence," and "meditations on Violence" both by Rory Miller.
The best way to help her is to work with her therapist
I think you are just gonna have to spend more time with her and build up a bond of trust.
When I was younger I had a very abusive stepfather and when I was sent to live with my real father for protection, everytime my father would raise his hand I would flinch or duck and it seemed to break his heart bc he would never raise a hand against me (unless I did something really stupid).
I can kinda see where she is coming from. Hopefully time will make it right.
I think the best thing to do would be to get pulpis of the same sex with the same problems and let them train In small
groups toghter when they are ready. Ask them if they are comfortable with other people knowing what happened but not the details of it that had a similar things happen. It gives them people who are on a similar level to interface with and let's them know there not alone. I'd demo lots of takedown defense and heaps of sweeps of my back and turtle to stand back up and possibly boxing. I'd also do long distance sprints and swiming. I'd recommend talking to john whip I don't know him but herd he deals with this stuff all the time.
I have had a similar experience but maybe not with such a young student. My experience was with a young girl of 14. Her mother brought her to my instructor's school because of the ex-husband. She was also extremely timid and did not tolerate much contact. Because of her aversion to contact I chose to use it to our advantage and began by teaching her "passing" (redirecting) techniques, footwork for avoiding advancing opponents, and "swiping" strikes as she passed or sidestepped me as her opponent. As she became more comfortable with HER ability to control distance and positioning we addressed completing enough counters to create sufficient space and time to escape and seek help. I then began trying to help her readjust into re-engaging once she had avoided the initial advance to maintain control of a situation she may not be able to flee at the immediate moment. I focused on the techniques that offered her the greatest opportunity to cause the most damage in the least amount of time.
She was with us for about a year and a half total. At 6 mos. she had made significant advances to the degree of being confident enough to assert herself and present a strong defense when confronted. At the end of a year she was quick, agile, and effective in the techniques she had trained at with me. Of course she did not have the full curriculum that we had available, but she had enough striking skill and power, as well as multiple "soft target" techniques that she was able to create what we felt was a sufficient "oh ****!" factor in her opponents. We "tested" this by having her work out with some of our more advanced students in the self-defense aspects of her personal training. She showed no hesitation in her actions and had strong resolve and determination to come out ahead at each opportunity.
It was always her mother's intention to relocate when her divorce was finalized, and the ex's judicial hearings were finished, so we knew we were limited in what time and curriculum we could present. We did recommend a training center for her through our KM Alliance group, and informed the affiliate instructor to expect her. We have since received a couple of "thank you" and progress "up dates" letters from her and her mother. She has said she credits us with turning her personal perceptions around and giving her the power to make her self a whole person.
I will keep you and your student in my thoughts, may the blessings of enlightenment and peace be placed wholly into her heart. Let me know if there is anything you think I can help with, even though I am half way around the world if you want to discuss anything about what options might work please feel free to contact me.
I tried to train a friend's wife to protect herself years ago. she decided to train with me because of long family friendship. She was very shy. More often than not, she would end up with embarrassed giggles instead of getting much accomplished. I finally made a small bit of headway with her by including 2 of her nearly grown daughters in our sessions..
I think perhaps Riley is on to something there, if her attention is wanders.
Don't give up though, until you have tried your options. Success will be gratifying for you, and possibly life-saving for her.
I haven't at least not anywhere to this level
Ok so this week i began to privately instruct a young girl who was the victim of a brutal crime. She is very timid as expected, she jumps if you touch her especially when it is grappling because it is such close quarters for her and she is very very afraid to be on the ground (we are not looking at that for quite some time anyway)
For the moment i am just working very slowly on some standing self defense and using voice and hands to assert control, I seen how timid she was the first time we met and i have decided that it would be better for her to train out in the open where it is just me and her. I have been doing this at the beach at the moment and teaching her to look at her surroundings and teaching her to be comfortable outside again.
Has anyone else experienced teaching a student who is so timid before? I understand the process will be long and drawn out because she is still trying to gain confidence and i will be helping her to do that, but i am just wondering if any of the serious instructors have had such a challenging task and how you went about it??
